For Christy, who hinted, and tzikeh, for patience, the icon, and just because. Thanks to Lucy for a reassuring read-through.

Summary: Cuddy's looking for House, Wilson finds him, and House wants to play doctor-- ie, Christy wanted exam room porn....

Physical Exam

For once, House was in the last place Wilson looked -- not just because he'd found him, so he didn't have to look further, but because the clinic room he found him in was decorated with drop cloths, ready for painting. A contract dispute had halted the job midway, leaving several rooms in disorder. The clinic staff had shoved all the miscellaneous materials into this single room so the others could still be used.

House had pulled a chair in from somewhere, and he stared down at his Gameboy, thumbs moving fast.

"Have you been here all afternoon? Cuddy's on the warpath looking for you." Wilson closed the door behind him and leaned back against it, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"She obviously didn't check my schedule. I am nothing if not diligent about my clinic hours," House said, sparing Wilson one sweeping glance before turning back to his game.

Wilson looked around the room. "You figure this counts as clinic duty?"

"I'm in the clinic, aren't I? Funny thing, there haven't been many patients today, but I think I've borne up well under the disappointment. I've actually been very busy," he said cheerfully. "I've almost beaten my own record."

"Kind of hard to see patients when the nurses don't know you're on duty."

House looked hurt. "Do I look like someone who'd dodge my clinic hours by hiding from the nurses?"

"Yes, actually."

House nodded, attention still on his game. "I've always said you were a perceptive man. Dammit, you've made me lose. And I was so close." He held out his watch, did an exaggerated double-take, looked at the wall clock, then over to Wilson. "Gosh, is that the time? I've been so absorbed in my clinic duties, I lost track! Only thirty minutes left. It's amazing how time flies when you're having fun." He picked his game back up. "I barely have time to try again."

"Cuddy really is looking for you."

"How nice for her -- be a good doctor and tell her you found me, but I'm diligently finishing my clinic duties. You know how particular she is about that."

"I think you're being sued again."

House's thumbs stopped moving at that and he looked up with a pleased expression. "I don't know what I like more: the thought of Cuddy's reaction, the possibility of depositions cutting into my clinic hours, or the idea of actually getting to prove in court that the patient is an idiot. I wonder if his lawyer will be an idiot, too-- Well, that probably goes without saying."

"House," Wilson said warningly.

"Well, never mind. It's all good clean fun, right?" House stood up and reached for his cane, then looked at Wilson speculatively. He looked all the way down to Wilson's feet, then sloooowly all the way back up to his face. "You're in favor of good clean fun, aren't you, Wilson? How about good, messy fun?"

If he hadn't already been up against the door, Wilson would have backed away from the gleam in House's eye. "Greg..."

House walked up close, his smile disturbing. "Wanna play doctor, Doctor?" He reached for Wilson's belt, and Wilson let him, fascinated and pinned to the door by the shadow of a smile on House's lips, and the eyes daring him to object.

He flattened himself against the door as House tugged his belt open. "House, Cuddy is going to find you -- find us -- very soon, and this won't exactly look good on my annual review."

By this point House had his belt open and his zipper down, and he leaned on the counter to his left as he went to his knees. "Oh, I think you underestimate your... charisma. And don't think I don't see how hard -- Excuse me, how much effort you're putting into stopping me."

Wilson watched, mesmerized, as House pulled down his boxers and swallowed his cock, no finesse, no restraint, just wet heat and strong suction. He locked his knees, closed his eyes, rested his head back against the door, and said a short prayer, although he wasn't sure whether it was one of desperation, or thanksgiving. Oh, God seemed to cover all the bases nicely. Much like House's mouth.

"Oh, God." It didn't work any better out loud, but it was very sincere.

House sucked harder, interrupting Wilson's devotions. Wilson fisted his hands to avoid embarrassing himself by scrabbling at the door. This wasn't going to take long; House knew just what to do to make sure of that--

"Doctor Wilson?" The voice came from the other side of the door. Wilson's eyes flew open, and he had a hand in House's hair, as if to pull him off, before he realized it. House just slapped the hand away and kept going, and Wilson prayed again, this time that the wet noises that seemed to echo in the empty exam room couldn't be heard through the door.

"Doctor Wilson?" It was a female voice, probably a nurse-- Probably someone he knew-- Then she was rapping on the door, and he tried to move, hissing House's name, but House grabbed his hips to keep him still. Wilson's orgasm was no longer an immediate problem, but his cock seemed to still be getting a bigger thrill out of the possibility of discovery than his brain.

The doorknob rattled, and he grabbed it, trying to hold it closed.

"Doctor Wilson, are you okay? I saw you go in, but that room's not in use?"

Oh, God, it was Janice -- Nurse Taylor. She'd been stalking Wilson for weeks, and so far he'd avoided capture, much to House's amusement. He looked down at House's mouth, wrapped around his cock, and nearly giggled at the idea that if he let her open the door, she'd probably stop her pursuit. He narrowed his eyes, looking down. House couldn't possibly have-- No. Just. No.

He took a couple deep breaths, eyes closed, grip firm on the door. "I'm fine, Nurse, nothing to worry about. I'll be--"

"Are you sure everything's okay, Doctor? Is there anything I can... help you with?"

He saw the impish look in House's eyes, even at this angle, and closed his eyes, head hitting the door with a solid thunk. "House, no," Wilson begged in a low voice, hoping Taylor couldn't hear him. He nearly whimpered at the lick of cool air as House leaned back, a smug look on his face and an evil look in his eye.

"Your mouth says no, but your eyes say... Well, 'no," House admitted, matching his low tone. "This, on the other hand--" He gave Wilson's cock another curling lick, and the whimper successfully escaped Wilson's mouth. "What's the matter, Jimmy? Scared of the big, bad, full-breasted nursie?"

"House--" he pleaded.

Taylor rattled at the door again. "What's that, Doctor? I couldn't understand you." Rattlerattlerattle-- "Is there something wrong? You sound kind of funny."

"It's okay, Taylor," House said brightly, eyes locked on Wilson's. "Doctor Wilson just has a little cramp, but he's going to be fine. I'm handling everything, and the prognosis is... very, very good."

And he was handling things, his hand now sliding along Wilson's cock, and Wilson bit his own hand to stop the sounds he wanted to make.

"Doctor House?" she said, hesitantly.

"That's right, and Doctor Wilson couldn't be in better hands. Why don't you go tell Doctor Cuddy that we'll be coming shortly?"

A muffled laugh escaped around Wilson's hand, and he banged his head on the door, giving in to House's ministrations, leaving it all, as House intended, in his evil, evil hands.

"Yes, sir," she said, though her tone was still doubtful.

Wilson waited until he was sure he heard her leaving, then looked down at House.

"There, was that so hard? Wait, it was harder," House said, squeezing Wilson's cock.

Wilson gasped. "I'm going to kill you."

"Not for a few minutes, you're not."

Wilson laughed breathlessly. "God, just finish what you started, and then I won't have to kill you. Cuddy will do it for me."

"Now you've got it. First the sex, then the violence."

This time he let Wilson pull his head forward, and the enclosing heat was such a relief that Wilson shivered as he leaned back against the door, closing his eyes and relaxing into the rhythmic pull of House's mouth. He allowed himself a few quiet groans and one sharp, guttural noise as he came.

House kept sucking for a moment, but more gently, then hummed softly as he held Wilson's cock in his mouth for a bit before slowly drawing back. Wilson shivered again. When he opened his eyes, House was massaging his injured leg.

"You okay?"

House grimaced, and shrugged. "Seems I'm the one with the cramp."

"That's what you get for lying to the nurse."

"You think God is punishing me for going down on you in an exam room?" House reached up and grabbed the counter, pulling himself to his feet.

"I think that's probably the least of your sins," Wilson said wryly, standing up straight and refastening his pants. "Are you...?"

House smiled at him, and Wilson felt a jolt of anticipation. "I'll get mine... later. Right now, my clinic hours are up! I'm a free man, and I intend to celebrate by going and torturing Chase." He picked up his cane and turned back to Wilson.

"So, here's what we do-- You go out and sneak left, and I'll wait until I'm sure you're gone, and I'll sneak right, and they'll never suspect a thing!" he said, in his most boyishly mock-sincere voice, gesturing dramatically with his cane.

"Oh, yeah, that'll work, because it's not like Janice knows we were both in here, or anything."

"Well, if you hadn't 'sounded funny,' we could have gotten away with it." House scolded. "You'd almost think you wanted to get caught."

"You had my cock in your mouth!" Wilson said in a loud whisper. "And anyway, you have to go see Cuddy."

"Please. Do you really think my actual presence will make them less likely to sue? Cuddy should be grateful I'm avoiding her. That's probably what got me in trouble in the first place. You people think I don't want to meet my patients because I don't like people -- I love people! For some strange reason, they just don't like me." House moved over to pick up his Gameboy.

Wilson skipped right over the absurdity of House's claim to philanthropy. "I think that going to see Cuddy means she's less likely to fire you."

House opened the door a crack and peered out. "Cuddy won't fire me, she adores me."

"I thought you said people don't like you."

House made a shocked sound. "Cuddy isn't people, she's... Cuddy!"

"Is that based in the House logic that if someone adores you, they aren't people, because people don't like you?"

"See? Perceptive boy."

"Yeah, and I don't like you, either."

House slapped a hand to his heart. "I am wounded. But as long as you let me keep blowing you in empty exam rooms, I think I'll survive. It looks like the coast is clear -- are you going first, or am I?"

"Oh, I think it's your turn."

"Last one home has to do clinic duty for a week." He turned back as he left the room. "Oh, and-- nice tie."


The End